This is the photo of my Grandfather that hung in my Grandmother's house all of my life. I love this picture because it reveals a tender heart. The other is my teddy bear I received on the day he died. I was 5 yrs old. This ugly old teddy bear, which I still have to this day and keep him hanging around, was a soothing gift my parents gave me for a hospital stay. I needed to have my tonsils removed and I had abandonment issues.
While I was being admitted to the hospital my Dad received an emergency call informing him of his father's death. My Dad left town and I was alone in the hospital most of my stay. This was back in the day that you actually "stayed" in the Hospital for 3 - 5 days for a Tonsillectomy! I was 5 yrs old but they had me caged up in one of those old hospital cribs with the tall slatted sides.
There was a girl in the bed next to my cage, another tonsillectomy patient, whose mother vigilantly stayed at her bedside. Her Mom was amply prepared for the long stay and provided both her daughter and me, a stranger in need, with hours of entertainment which included books, children's games and activities suitable for the sickroom. She mothered me when my own mother could not be there.
However, this was also a time that I began to feel the protective and watchful presence of my Grandfather who had just died. I was able to manage that singularly isolating experience with very uncharacteristic calm. I had experiences prior to this which left me with a lot of separation trauma. This should have been more difficult for me than it was. I still remember so much of it clearly but not with any terror. Through that experience I gained a sense that I would be able to endure anything after that.
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